One of my facebook friends posted this picture and quote recently and I have to say it really struck me as off. At first I thought it was a good quote, but the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me. Now please note, I am in no ways suggesting that my friend was wrong or that her opinion is less valid than mine. I just feel compelled to share my thoughts on this one and figured my blog was a better choice over facebook.
My issue with this quote is that I feel that (in part) this is what is wrong with American kids. Parents praise them for everything they do (whether or not they do it well, or correctly)*. Parents pay $10 or maybe even more for their child to get a trophy just for participating at the end of every athletic season. They don't even keep score anymore at little kids' soccer games because they don't want a child's feelings to be hurt because they lost.**
Everything we do is based on giving our children high self-esteem. We don't want them to fail, we do whatever is in our power to prevent them from getting knocked down. So, once again, my problem with this is that it doesn't work. I was babysitting a 7 year old once who literally started throwing a temper tantrum because my game piece was in front of his game piece on the monopoly board. SERIOUSLY!? Isn't it our job as parents to teach our children how to lose gracefully, that life will go on, and our self worth does not come from outside achievements?
As a parent my goal is not to fill Bethany's bucket of self-esteem up, it is to teach her how to fill it up herself. To give her tools to succeed, but also allow her to fail and learn from her mistakes. Personally, I don't think a single person's "bucket of self-esteem" will ever be overflowing unless it comes from within. Maybe that was Alvin Price was trying to say, I don't know.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox, hope you all have a great day!
*Please note that I'm not saying that we shouldn't give our
children encouragement or praise for trying. I'm just saying if they get the
math problem wrong, we need to work with them until they get it right. Not just
say, "Good job for trying, it's no big deal that you got the answer wrong,
you're the best anyway!"
**In my opinion one of the biggest issues with not keeping
score in young children’s games is not only that they don't learn how to lose
with grace, but they don't learn how to win with grace either. Just because you
win does not mean that you are king (or queen) of the world and can do anything
or act anyway you want.
I also saw that picture and quote and thought...if we taught our children James 4:10..."Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and HE will lift you up", we wouldn't have to worry about the world draining their bucket!
ReplyDeleteYou are your mother's daughter ; )
I totally agree with you! I don't know exactly how to do it...but I do think that sports help. Or at least having their "own thing" where they can work hard and have a sense of accomplishment. Also, making your kids so things they're not good at is healthy for them! I do have to say, though, having a 4 year old in kiddie sports, I LOVE that they don't keep track of score. Not because of the win/lose thing, but because I hate having to keep track of it and answering the question of who won. I never pay close enough attention! And I love that I can zone out guilt-free and not have to worry about missing a goal or a run scored! :) But once they get older, you totally have to teach them that losing is ok and it's a part of life, but you always have to give things your best shot. Oh, and also, I don't always let my kids win at games. Sometimes, but not always :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I first saw the quote I instantly felt the same way you did but I thought you actually liked it until I read your post. lol. I probably overpraised my kids and realize my mistakes. As to the 7 yr old - hmmmmm, I wonder who that was???
ReplyDeleteSo actually you don't know the 7 year old, I promise. :)
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